


Keep your head up, and make it to me

by abucketofwigs



Series: Hanahaki Disease [2]
Category: Mean Girls (2004), Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Hanahaki Disease, Slow Burn, part 2 to previous fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 05:36:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18204236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abucketofwigs/pseuds/abucketofwigs
Summary: The one where Regina's coughing up flowers and Janis has no idea.Or: Janis' perspective.





	Keep your head up, and make it to me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So I wrote a part two to the last fic I posted and this is it. It's from Janis' perspective. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Title from "Make It To Me" by Sam Smith

Janis Sarkisian never thought that she would start her senior year dating someone.

(She also never thought she’d ever be something close to friends with Regina George again, but somehow that’s something that is happening).

Cady likes to call it little miracles, but Janis really doesn’t know what it is yet. Her and Regina spent the entire summer in an awkward conversations, and too many apology heart-to-hearts than she bothered to count. It’s weird in the way that it's also kind of nice to walk with Regina at school, and the hallway part of them a little. Northshore’s not as terrified of the reign of Regina as they were last year, but there’s still some fear that lives in the upperclassman.

As for the whole girlfriend thing, Janis loves it. It’s that whole high school romance cliché, but honestly? She can get behind it. She texts Zoey inbetween class, and sometimes sends her weird snapchats of the group at their lunch table. (The old plastics table). Zoey always responds when she can, sometimes it’s a snarky comeback to a joke or encouraging Damian to continue whatever dramatic thing he’s doing.

It makes Janis feel even better at how well Zoey and Damian get along. The whole group seems to like her, and Janis can tell when she sees the look on their faces. Even Regina seems nicer to Zoey than Janis expected her to be.

(What Janis doesn’t see is when Regina sneaks off to the bathroom whenever Janis talks about Zoey a little too much).

~

Janis likes Zoey.

She likes her in that way where she wants to know all of her embarrassing stories. In the way where she wants to hear about her day, or learn all of her favorite things. Zoey’s nice and funny, and she’s into art like Janis. She’s in college, and Janis always feels like they never run out of things to talk about.

Janis likes Zoey in a way that makes her feel confident; assured. Liking Zoey makes Janis feel like for the first time ever it’s okay for her to have feelings like this. Feelings for someone.

~

She makes an effort to fully become friends with Regina. She sits next to her at lunch, and walks with her to their shared classes. Janis doesn’t complain when Gretchen and Regina complain about someone in their class, because let's be real some of it is justified. She gets where she texts Regina almost everyday, and makes an effort to include her in all of her plans with the others. Somehow they get where they can talk to each other, and it end in laughing instead of crying.

To Janis, it seems like Regina falls into their new friendship likes she’s been waiting on Janis for years.

~

Zoey comments on it sometime mid-September.

“Why do you always have to be talking to her?”

Janis hums, tongue poking out the side of her mouth as she draws in her sketchpad. Zoey taps on the top of the coffee table to get her attention. Janis finally looks up at her.

“Who?”

Zoey raises her eyebrows, “Regina. You two are like attached at the hip.”

“Not really,” Janis shrugs, glancing down at her sketch. She wants to focus on her drawing, but she knows that this is a type of conversation that can’t be ignored. “We just became friends. What makes you say that?”

Zoey shrugs much in the way that Janis just did. She folds her arms across her chest, and stares back at the T.V. screen before cutting her eyes back at Janis.

“Your world just seems to revolve around Regina George.”

~

Janis lets herself live in the excitement of having a real date to an actual high school party. She lets herself press close to Zoey in the corner of Aaron’s friends living room without a care of who sees them. She lets the excitement bubble in her chest as she laughs at Zoey, and leans in to her.

She sees Regina and Cady by the drinks table. Sees the way Regina shifts nervously, and Cady flails her arms. She feels herself frown, wants to ask them whats wrong.

Zoey presses her nose against Janis’ cheek and kisses her. She forgets about Regina and Cady.

When she pulls away and turns back to walk to them, Regina and Cady are both gone.

~

The next day Janis wakes up to a series of texts from the group. She pauses on one from just Cady.

**What does it mean when someone pukes flowers?**

**Nevermind. Aaron and Google told me.**

Janis frowns, shifts in her bed. Zoey scoots closer, nuzzles her nose against Janis’ shoulder. Janis glance down, feels her cheeks warm.

 _Are you puking flowers?_ Janis types.

Cady immediately texts back. **No, saw it on a video.**

Janis stares at the message.

Is that still a thing? Do people still do that? Wasn’t that on an episode of Teen Mom that Damian always talks about?

Zoey kisses her neck, “Are you okay?”

Janis nods, looks down at her.

“Yeah, my friends are just weird.”

~

Regina starts to pull away from her silently. It’s not loud and publicized like eighth grade was; it’s not any fighting or friendship ending. It’s Regina quietly avoiding her and Janis not knowing what to do about it.

“She’s just been acting so weird and I don’t get it.”

Zoey hums, taps her pen against her ethics textbook. Janis frowns, looking up from her phone to lock eyes with her. Janis blushes.

“I’m sorry. I’m doing it again, aren’t I?”

Zoey nods. Janis locks her phone, sets it face down on the table.

“Where you spend the entire time talking about Regina? Yeah.” Janis opens her mouth, apology ready, but Zoey stops her. She reaches across the table, holds Janis’ hands, “It’s okay, I get it. She was your first crush.”

Janis hears all of the other comments Zoey doesn’t say. She knows Zoey’s opinion on Regina; she’s heard it too many times.

The sound of Zoey’s backpack zipping close pulls Janis out of her thoughts. Janis blinks up at her. The look on Zoey’s face makes her chest feel heavy.

“Where are you going?”

Zoey slings her back over her shoulder. She blinks too quickly for this to be more than a normal goodbye.

“The library. This was fun, Janis, but I think you should talk to Regina.” Zoey brushes her lips against Janis cheek, presses her forehead against Janis’ before she fully pulls away. “I hope that it goes better this time.”

Janis cries after Zoey leaves, but not because of the break up.

~

She doesn’t tell Regina how she feels.

Instead, she texts the group message and lets Cady and Damian bring her ice cream.

~

A week after her breakup Regina texts her, and Janis doesn’t even hesitate to text her back.

“How are you feeling?”

Regina’s voice is soft like it has been since August, and Janis’ stomach flutters.

“I thought it would hurt more.” Janis sighs, moves her phone from her left hand to her right. “It sucks, though.”

Regina hums, “First breaks up always do.”

She shifts on her end of the phone, coughs.

“Do you think that it would be bad if I texted her?” Regina coughs again. Janis frowns, “Dude, are you okay? You sound like you’re dying or something other there.”

Regina makes a choked sound. Janis scrunches her eyebrows. Regina clears her throat.

“No, sorry, I choked on my water.” Regina clears her throat again, “I would suggest against it, but I wouldn’t judge you if you did.”

Janis snorts, “Wow, Regina George not judging someone? Maybe people can change.”

Regina laughs, and Janis smiles. When they end the call ten minutes later, Janis stares at Zoey’s name in her phone but doesn’t text her.

~

Janis sits next to Regina at lunch, steals her cheese fries and brushes their shoulders together as much as possible. Regina never brings it up.

~

When December comes it’s like something clicks within Janis and she notices how bad Regina looks. She looks frail, her cheeks sunken in and the bags underneath her eyes too dark for her.

Janis is scared for her. She wants to talk to Regina about it, but every time she goes to Shane Oman is there. Janis almost ignores him and marches over to the two of them, but then-

Shane kisses Regina’s cheek, “See you later in the lion costume.”

Regina laughs and says something while she watches him walk away. Janis swallows, turns on her heel and heads toward her next class.

~

Shit hits the fan two weeks before finals.

Janis can’t take Regina ignoring her anymore. She can’t take looking at Regina one day, and thinking with how things are going Regina might not be there the next minute.

She touches Regina’s arm and the next minute there’s blood, dirt, and purple and red flowers. She watches Regina hunch over, body trembling. She wraps her arms around her, making sure that Regina’s still there. She sits there and holds Regina until Regina’s done, face twisted in pain. She doesn’t know what else to do; how to fix it.

~

Damian pulls her into one of the George’s downstairs guest rooms, and holds her while she cries.

“I don’t understand.”

He rubs her back, “I know, I know. It’s a lot.”

She pulls back, runs her hands through her hair. Damian wipes her tears away.

“What do I need to do? What do I need to do?”

For the first time in their friendship Damian doesn’t have an answer. He looks at her with this sad pity look that she can’t stand. Why is he looking at her like that? He should be looking at Regina like that. Regina’s the one puking flowers right now. Regina’s the one dying.

“You don’t have to go back in there just yet.”

She scoots back on the bed next to him. She tries to wrap her head around what just happened.

~

Regina George is in love with her.

Regina George has been in love with her for months; maybe years.

Regina George has been coughing up flowers everyday since August.

Regina George is in love with her and is dying because of it.

~

When Monday comes Janis doesn’t know what she wants to do, so instead she fights over Regina’s books with Shane. He looks at the two of them like he’s trying to figure out something. She doesn’t ask if he knows Regina’s sick. She doesn’t want to think about.

Regina picks Shane to walk her to class, and Janis is thankful for it. She doesn’t know if she could handle being around Regina alone right now. She doesn’t think that Regina could handle it either.

Janis just wants Regina to get better. She wants to help her; wants to figure out a way to make it happen.

She knows there’s only one way.

~

“I think I’m going to ask Regina out.”

Damian chokes on his chips and Cady’s face pales. Janis swallows, turns back to her painting.

“Do you want to or do you feel like you have to?” Cady finally asks.

Somehow Cady’s became protective over Regina the last few months. Maybe it’s because Regina’s a better person. Maybe it’s still the guilt of last year, Janis doesn’t know.

“Both?”

She spares a glance at Damian. He frowns, moves like he’s going to reach out and touch her. She leans back from them; she really can’t deal with them comforting her tonight.

“Janis.” Damian sighs.

Cady shakes her head. Janis’ stomach twists.

“Don’t ask her out if you’re not sure of your feelings for her.” Cady’s tone is serious and her gaze almost a glare. Janis has never seen this side of her. “It’ll just make things worse for her, and you know it. Maybe the Regina of last year deserved that, but this one doesn’t. She deserves more.”

Janis knows. This Regina deserves someone who will love her back. She deserves to live.

~

Janis spends the rest of Christmas break thinking about it.

She DMs Shane on Instagram about a schedule for who gets to walk Regina to class on certain days. He sends back a thumbs-up emoji followed by a :). It's weird; Janis ignores it.

She thinks about the last few months.

Janis started walking Regina to class and saving her a seat at lunch because she felt like she had to. She’s going to ask her out because she like Regina.

~

Janis likes Regina.

She really likes Regina.

She likes Regina in that way where it’s new, but also feels like it’s always been there. She’s allowing herself to relearn this girl who is so much more than her ex-rival; so much more than the friend she became over the summer and in the last few months. Regina tries, and Janis can see it. She can see how Regina’s softer and kinder to Gretchen. She sits with Cady and her mathlete friends; tries to understand their jokes that no one gets besides them. Regina goes to Damian’s play rehearsals, and sits with Karen.

Regina tries to change; tries to be better, and Janis will always admire her for it.

Janis likes Regina in that way where it’s slow. She doesn’t realize how much at first. Liking Regina makes her feel scared and excited all at once. She likes Regina in that way where she doesn’t want to lose her.

~

Janis asks Regina on a date, and watches Regina practically run away from her. Janis’ stomach twist as she watches her go, insides knotting. She wonders if this is how Regina feels.

She shakes her head at the thought. Regina’s is definitely worse.

~

“You’re just going to let her ignore you?”

The door to the art room slams loudly behind Gretchen. Janis sighs, drops the paint brushes into the sink. She expected to see Karen with Gretchen; those two are never seen alone these days.

“Hey, Gretchen, how was your day?”

Gretchen rolls her eyes, folds her arms. Janis wants to laugh because of course Gretchen has perfected the bitchy plastic stare now. Janis sighs again, dries her hands on a towel.

“What do you expect me to do?”

“Show up at her house with a sign and a horse or something. Isn’t it obvious?” Janis just blinks at her, and Gretchen clenches her jaw. “You’re going to have to force Regina to go on this date with you, or she’s not going to go. She thinks that she doesn’t deserve you, and it’s been killing her all week.”

“I know,” Janis rubs at her eyes, “She hasn’t been to class since Monday, and her Kylie keeps telling me that she hasn’t left her room either.”

Gretchen swallows. For the first time in a while Janis sees the anxious girl that she was last year resurface. Gretchen’s worried about her friend, and Janis can’t blame her for it.

“So do something. Me and Karen will help, but we can’t just let her sit around and let her think that she’s not worth fighting for. She deserves to be happy, Janis.”

Janis nods, “Yeah, she does.”

~

Janis stands on the George’s front porch and practically begs Regina to go out with her. Regina goes, and it’s the best first date that Janis has ever had

~

Regina George kisses her for the first time and Janis swears that everything that’s ever happened between them was worth it because it led them here.

~

Regina doesn’t get better overnight, and Janis didn’t expect for a miracle to happen. She didn’t expect to wake up the next morning and for Regina to magically be better; things like that don’t happen for them. They’ve never had it easy.

Instead, Janis spends the next day texting Regina and making plans for them to hang out again. She doesn’t look up the Hanahaki Disease on google, or text Gretchen or Cady. She hasn’t looked it up yet, and she’s not going to start now. She already knows enough to be scared.

Janis spends the day planning how she’s going to woo Regina George.

~

Dating Regina isn’t how sophomore or junior year Janis imagined it would be. Regina’s not all pointy edges and demanding like she was with her past boyfriends. With Janis, she’s hesitant touches and soft. She asks for permission before she even so much as hugs Janis. Maybe it’s because Regina’s changed a lot in the past year; maybe it’s because Janis is the first girl she’s ever been with. Janis doesn’t know the reason, but she likes learning this new Regina.

The first time Regina tried to hold her hand in the hallway at school, Janis flinched away from her and shoved her hands into her jacket pockets. Janis felt the fear leap in her chest, and looked around like she was waiting for plastic Regina to come after her.

That Regina never came and Janis felt guilty.

Regina had disappeared to the upstairs bathroom to avoid her.

It took the rest of the week to talk Regina, _her_ Regina, into holding her hand or kissing her goodbye. When Regina finally kissed her after a week of Regina dancing around her, Janis couldn’t remember why she felt so scared in the first place. This Regina is everything that plastic Regina wasn’t. This Regina is such a good person that it amazes Janis everyday. This Regina loves Janis with so much in her. This Regina Janis is proud of.

This Regina Janis could fall in love with.

~

Regina locks Janis out of the bathroom on the days that she can’t wait until Janis is gone to let the flowers go. Janis always waits by the bathroom door, wishing for nothing more than to take her pain away.

~

Sometime between late March and early April Regina starts looking better. She barely gets sick, and when she does Janis notices how she’s not gone as long. Regina starts to look like her old self, but the personality that was once there doesn’t come back with it.

Regina knows, but never says anything. Janis knows that Regina’s waiting on her.

~

They go to spring fling and Janis tries to say it then, but Regina kisses her just before she can get the words out. They go on a date a couple of days later and Janis almost says it then. Janis almost says it every chance she gets.

Now they’re sitting at Regina’s kitchen table. Regina’s hair is tied in a messy bun that makes it hard for Janis to focus. There’s blue and red paint smeared across her cheeks as she carefully paints the styrofoam balls that are supposed to be planets for Kylie’s science project. (Janis loves it). Janis has offered to help for the past two hours, but Regina keeps pushing her hand away. Kylie gave up after ten minutes and disappeared to her room. Regina’s stubborn, and Janis knows that there’s no fighting her.

“Stop looking at me like that.” Regina says.

She glances up from the one that’s supposed to look like Earth. It really doesn’t look like Earth.

“Like what?”

Janis grins, scoots her chair until her and Regina knees bump underneath the table. Regina sets the paint brush down, carefully sets the Earth ball down on the paper towel.

“Like that.” Regina wiggles her fingers, threatening to spread the paint across Janis’ cheeks. Janis laughs, leans away from her. “It’s distracting.”

Regina shuffles to the sink to wash her hands. Janis moves to hug Regina from behind. Regina dries her hands before turning around to hug her.

They’ve come so far in the last few months. Regina hasn’t vomited flowers since the day of spring fling. They’ve gotten better at the whole talking and touching thing; neither really afraid to voice their feelings anymore. Regina has a picture of them from spring fling framed next to her bed; and Janis keeps one of just Regina in her locker.

Janis has never felt happier.

“Hey,” She whispers. Regina hums, presses their foreheads together, “I love you.”

Regina kisses her. Janis kisses back for a moment before pulling away.

“I’ve been trying to say that for weeks.” She pouts.

Regina laughs, “I know.”

Janis rolls her eyes, and Regina kisses her again.

“I love you, too.”

They're going to be okay. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to @kleksuh and @annablisshoa again for listening to me rant about this fic! Also shoutout to @likeapartywithrevenge for messaging me about writing this! I hope you like it.
> 
> As always my Tumblr is @abucketofwigs.


End file.
